Eternally Changing
by Amethyst Flames
Summary: Eiji's worries about the changing future make him attempt to leave before the pain is too great. Golden Pair, shounen-ai, one-shot


Disclaimer: If they belonged to me, there would be tons of yaoi hints in both the anime and the manga. Wait, you mean there already are? Well then, if they belonged to me, there would be more than just hints...

Author's Notes: This is what you get when you mix five hours of Puriteni fanfics with worries about college. Eiji is a little angsty...I have a strong belief that he is not as carefree as he seems. Anyways, this is a pretty short little one-shot written in about an hour. I know I'm not that great a writer, so please review – all constructive criticism is wanted and needed. Please enjoy!

------

"What do you mean, you want to quit tennis?" There was a definite shake to Oishi's voice, a tremor that was only discernable to those who were closest to him. Eiji heard it, loud and clear. Oishi was hurt, and Eiji had caused it. Better to hurt now than later.

"I...I don't want to play anymore." That was a lie right there, and Oishi would see through it in a second. Eiji didn't want to think about the real reason he was quitting, the reason that hid behind his happy demeanor. He was afraid.

Oishi stared at him for a long moment. Eiji glanced around nervously; the tennis clubroom was not the best place for a conversation like this, but everyone else had already gone home. The silence was torturous, dragging on for what seemed like eternity to Eiji, especially with his normally short attention span completely focused on Oishi.

"You want to play. Why would you quit?"

He had seen through it; of course he would. Oishi knew Eiji almost as well as Eiji knew himself. But Oishi didn't know about this fear, this regret that tagged after him through all his life.

"Because if I quit now, I won't be quit on later."

Eiji caught the edge of Oishi's surprised expression before his gaze fixated on a locker door. There was a slight dent below the lock, as if someone had hit it with something. It had been there ever since Eiji could remember. Oishi's voice interrupted his staring, and Eiji prepared to explain himself.

"I would never quit on you." Oishi's voice was so soft, so gentle, that Eiji could almost believe him. Almost.

Laughing softly, Eiji raised his gaze from the locker to look straight into Oishi's green eyes. "Are you absolutely positive? Is there no way in the future that something, anything, could make you quit? Tennis won't always be your life." _And I won't always be in your life_ Eiji added silently to himself. He may be immature, but he was not so naïve as to think that Oishi would never find another person more important than Eiji.

"No, you're right. Tennis won't always be my life; things won't always be the same. We won't always be Seigaku's tennis club regulars. It's the memories we make now that will serve us best in the future." Oishi took a couple of slow steps toward Eiji. "But not everything has to change. Not everything has to be different."

Eiji felt the tears coming, the tears that he had been trying to hold back for so long. Oishi didn't understand; even if some things stayed the same, they could never be as happy as these last moments. He could never be happy anywhere else, at any other time.

"Everything changes, Oishi." His voice was calm and indifferent, and Oishi's own calm demeanor crumpled at those words.

"Not if you don't let it! Just because you think it won't be like this later doesn't mean we can't enjoy it now! We're going to Nationals and winning, just like we always said we would!"

Eiji's cool demeanor shattered at the mention of Nationals. "Don't you understand, Oishi? Nationals are the end for us! What if we become the champions? What then? We're the best, we have no reason to stick together, nothing to achieve, and then soon after, it's off to high school and separate interests, separate lives. Kawamura is already wavering; I can feel him trying to separate himself from us. And everyday, I fall deeper and deeper into this routine, this family of crazy people that I can't help loving, but soon it'll be gone and it'll hurt even more than it hurts now!" Eiji took a deep breath and prepared himself for the sure rejection he'd receive for the next words. He wanted that rejection, needed that rejection to ensure that there would be no pain later. The pain would be over now.

"It'll hurt most of all when I lose you. Any longer and I don't think I could survive it."

The tears that Eiji had been trying to hold back since senior year started spilled over now. Concentrated on enduring the anger from Oishi, or even the sadness or pity, he didn't notice how close his partner was until the hand brushed the tears from his cheek.

"Eiji."

Eiji looked up to find Oishi's deep green eyes boring into him, staring into his soul.

"You can't survive losing me in the future...but I can't survive losing you now." Oishi smiled, that loving smile that Eiji had noticed first day he joined tennis club. The smile that had made Eiji fall in love so very easily, the smile that encouraged him, warmed him, and scared him all at once.

Oishi leaned in slowly, and Eiji let that smile claim his lips. The kiss was everything Eiji had always dreamed it to be – soft, warm, so right it should have been forbidden. He could taste the remains of sweat on Oishi's lips from the practice; he could feel Oishi's warmth through the hands on his back. The moment was so perfect Eiji would have cried if he hadn't been already.

When they separated, Oishi was smiling, his eyes lighted with a combination of happiness and nervousness. Eiji attempted the smile that he put up everyday – the smile he wished he could wear the rest of his life – but it wouldn't come.

"Oishi..." The tears flowed faster now. Eiji could never be this happy again. He knew that, and that's why he had tried to avoid such happiness.

"Eiji, stop it. Stop crying. There's no reason for you to cry." Oishi's face was contorted with worry now; not the mother hen worry that was standard for him, but the worry that he reserved only for special occasions, like when Momo disappeared for three days.

Eiji needed to reassure him. Maybe he could never be happy, but he was sure Oishi could. Oishi didn't cling as much as he did. Oishi's happiness could flow like water, forever changing, while Eiji's was based more on a mountain. This time the smile came easily to Eiji's lips.

"For one perfect moment, I was completely and truly happy. Thank you, Oishi."

He turned to go, but Oishi caught his arm and pulled him back. Oishi slowly walked forward, effectively trapping Eiji against the row of lockers behind him. Needing comfort or maybe just something to fiddle with, Eiji reached back to touch the scrape on the locker. His fingers were tracing it nervously when Oishi finally spoke.

"If you're happy, why...why are you leaving?" Oishi's voice broke, and the tremor that had been present from the beginning of this conversation worsened. "Why won't you stay? Why do you always run away, brushing off hints that I give or changing the subject?" Oishi's voice dropped to a whisper. "You say I'll abandon you, but you're the one abandoning me."

Eiji's heart broke at the look on Oishi's face. Oishi didn't get it; Eiji was the one who could never abandon him...that's why he had to leave now, before Oishi realized he didn't love Eiji after all. That's why Eiji had not wanted that kiss, not wanted to have everything he ever could wish for in his arms just to lose it one day.

Eiji had always said his willpower was weak, and he couldn't help but say the next words.

"I can't abandon you, Oishi." Eiji's hand went up to trace the lips his own had been touching not long before. "I love you."

"Then stay." It wasn't a request; it was a command. Eiji felt his resolve being to crumble and desperately grasped for a way out.

"Happiness can't last forever. One day this'll end. Our perfect moment...how would we ever live up to it? How could we ever be perfectly happy together?"

Oishi's hands lunged out and gripped Eiji's shoulders tightly. "It's not about perfect happiness! You can't ever recapture a moment, yes, but you can create new ones!"

Oishi's lips crashed against Eiji's own, and Eiji could feel the desperation in the kiss. He kissed back, too captured in Oishi to try to resist. He tried to slow it down, make it more like the tender kiss before, try to recapture the happiness of that moment. But Oishi wasn't yielding, he was demanding more and more and Eiji couldn't help but give it to him. They separated a moment to gasp for air and then Oishi's mouth was back, his tongue slipping through Eiji's teeth to tangle with his own and explore the new territory. Eiji fought back with all the enthusiasm he had shown on the courts, when the exhilaration got to him and all he could do was fight by Oishi's side. Oishi finally pulled back, his breath coming in short pants, his hands still holding Eiji tight against him. Eiji stared up at him, not sure what to do now. This had never been in his plans for today.

"Were you happy just now?"

Eiji didn't reply, his gaze moving to the door over Oishi's shoulder. Oishi heaved a sigh of frustration and shook Eiji, moving one of his hands from their grip to force Eiji to face him.

"Answer me! Were you happy?"

"...yes." Eiji knew where this was going, didn't see how he could avoid it. The answer was so clear and simple in front of him, if he could only have the strength to reach out and take it and screw the consequences that would come later.

"You were happy. You were kissing me and you were happy and I was happy and you can't just take this away! You can't!" Oishi's eyes stared straight into his own, and Eiji could see the hurt swimming through the oceans of green. He couldn't deny Oishi anything, not when Oishi was looking at him like this.

"I can't." Oishi started, as if he hadn't thought that Eiji would acquiesce so easily. Eiji had one more thing to ask though. "Can we remain happy? Forever?"

Oishi smiled and kissed the tip of Eiji's nose. "We can try. That's all we can ask in our lives, in to try. But forever sounds good to me."

_Forever...I'll be with you until you leave. Forever ends at that time. _And for the first time, Eiji could accept that. Live for the moment and hope for eternal happiness. It was all he could do.


End file.
